Okay, Grandpa, can we not?

*:.。. .。.:*・゜゚🎃🍂🎃・゜゚*:.。. .。.:*

My Grandpa has a bad heart. It’s so bad he has an implantable defibrillator. It was put in a couple days ago so what does he do? Goes out and enjoys the sunshine.

By cleaning up his yard (╬ಠ益ಠ)

Why old men do this I’ll never understand but they need to stop. My Grandpa needs to stop. So I was awake for like 30 minutes, haven’t even had AnnnNnYyy coffee, and I get a call from my Grandma. In a nutshell she wanted me to come over and help him out because he was “Cleaning up the yard and cutting branches.” Ah, hell no. I had plans today. I was going to fix up my yard. Nope.


Actual image of me outside gardening

Okay so I’m not mad. I don’t mind helping my Grandparents and I spent most of my time with my Grandpa outside. We got a lot done and it was so nice seeing him actually awake and active. He’s had heart issues since like 2009( first heart attack) and it’s been downhill since. I don’t know if heart disease runs in his family but I do know all the drinking, smoking, and cheese eating(I’m surprised that man isn’t made of cheese at this point) has been rough on his heart. Not to mention the jobs he’s done. He logged and worked at a mill then switched gears and became an alfalfa farmer. That shit is hard and even with modern farm equipment and having my Dad take over it’s still pretty rough on an old man.

Today seeing him get up, get a little bit of exercise, and be outside was really nice. Before this he was really tired and would spend the day off and on napping in his chair. According to my Grandma he’s been like this since he got the defibrillator. I’m really happy he’s active again. He still can’t do all the things he wants too and I know he’ll never be the same as before his heart attack but this little bit of progress is really comforting. He doesn’t have much longer but I’m happy the time he has left he’ll still have his independence and presence of mind. I never want to see my parents or grandparents completely invalid,  crippled by age and disease. On both sides of the family we have good genetics( I should mention he’s my step not biological grandpa) but seeing him makes me really want to care for myself.

I don’t want to spend an entire summer in and out of a hospital for something I could’ve prevented or at least mitigated the damage of. I may not eat a whole lot but at least what I do eat is healthy. Except for the Pepsi I had today but I really really  needed the caffeine.  Carrying Indian rocks about ~30 feet and then hauling wood palettes and other pieces of wood another ~100 feet is really tiring. Not to mention I’m doing this in feckin’ sand and dodging Sagebrush on my way to the burn pit. And it was hot today, which I mean is nice and all but a breeze would’ve been really nice.

Yea so my Grandparents now have a relatively fixed up yard and my Grandpa is going to look at the chicken shed so I can get his opinion on what I need to do. He’s thinking because there’s mold the wood is actually press board not plywood. I don’t know nothing about wood but I know mold when I see it so we’ll see what happens there. They are actually a little excited about me potentially having chickens. Trying to get farm fresh eggs out here is a little hard despite everyone’s mother’s brother’s dog’s best friend’s cousin’s uncle raising and selling chicken eggs. Like where are the sellers? I want guilt free farm fresh eggs. I’ll just get my own chickens and name them after my ancestors. I have some ancestors with names that would fit really well on chickens.

That’s a weird thing to say I know but it’s true. I want to get three chickens, all ladies, and name them after a grandma and two aunts.  I’m not sure if I’ve made it clear yet but I really adore chickens.

Hug Chicken GIF - Hug Chicken Kid GIFs

When my Mom was little her parents had some chickens, right up until the neighbor’s dogs got in and killed all of them, and there was a chicken who broke her wing. My Mom fixed her up and trained the chicken to perch on her shoulder. I don’t want a chicken to break her wing but it would be cool having them trained to do stuff like that. Chickens are smart and sweet and I love them and their little chicken faces. Like they look pissed off all the time but I think it’s cute.

🎃Calories Ate: 795.7
🎃Calories Burned: 429
🎃Net Calories: 366.6
🎃Macro Nutrients: 59% ٩(^ᴗ^)۶

Like I said earlier, I had a banana, a Pepsi, then two vegan burgers( my Grandparent’s bought me so I could eat at their place when I visit), with some tomato and onion. They didn’t have any bread so it wasn’t a sandwich, just two patties with some tomato and onion. Coming home I didn’t really feel like eating but I thought I probably should so I could have at least two meals. It was a tofu-veggie scramble with another banana and bell pepper slices. That was my last banana. Fare thee well banana. I need to get more.

By the way, does everything look okay with me doing some fall theming? I’m a bit Gothic and minimal but I like the idea of having a more colorful blog that flows with the seasons. Like just something I could do throughout the year to shake things up a little but not change the overall tone of my blog.

Like I’m using this blog as a way to hold myself accountable for whatever e.d I have and hopeful set myself on the right track as well as just talk about things. I’m really closed off and it’s taken me seven years to tell my best friend I was abused as a child. Like I have communication and trust issues. Writing on here legit makes me want to get better and deal with my problems. It’s also really nice having to do something everyday. I want to post as consistently as possible and that means I have to do something everyday so I can write and not regurgitate the same old stuff over and over again. I feel like I’m doing that with the chicken shed but I’m just excited for chickens. Also I love chickens. ♥️🐣♥️




*:.。. .。.:*・゜゚🎃🍂🎃・゜゚*:.。. .。.:*


Spider in my bra

*:.。. .。.:*・゜゚🎃🍂🎃・゜゚*:.。. .。.:*

Today was a bit of a productive day all things considered. There’s a decrepit looking chicken coop that housed a pony at one point on the property I live at. Why someone decided to put a pony in a shed made for chickens is beyond me but then again it was my cousins so God only knows what goes on in their brain. Anywho, the chicken shed I wanted to get cleaned up is a no-go. I don’t honestly don’t even know how it’s still standing. On the outside it looks like real wood and it looks fine. On the inside it’s just cheap plywood and it’s falling apart. 20171027_124502.jpg

Oh my God. Look at that mold. I left the coop after this because I wasn’t wearing a mask. The photo does not illustrate how bad it really is.


Like it would be so easy for a coyote or a badger to get in here and kill the chickens. The ground is nothing but sand. Easily dug through sand. Oh and more mold. I’m surprised this place wasn’t covered in spiders and scorpions but the mold probably killed them.


And this is all the random crap I found in here. Why 3 empty coffee cans? Why a fish tank? Why two brands that were not used on the pony? Why the fuck is the door off it’s hinges and how did they manage to break it? God only knows because I sure don’t.

So yea, I just need to buy plans, tear this thing down, and build a proper chicken coop not made out of cheap plywood. Soooo much extra work for me but I really want chickens. I like eggs. I miss eggs. I’m one of those vegans that went vegan because I feel bad for the abused animals but if I knew for sure the animals were being treated better I would go back to eating/using animal products. So if I got my own chickens they would be feed the proper foods, they would be allowed to roam (well in a fenced off section but it would be large), and I know for sure they would be well cared for because I would be the one caring for them. So guilt free eggs and even better I could share the eggs with family so they wouldn’t have to get them from store. ♥️🐣♥️

Remember this? 1073.jpg

Well now it looks like this:


Still not a whole lot done but now I have a clear section. And a whole lotta clean up. I need to dig a burn pit or get a stove or something because the level of weeds I’m pulling up is probably a brush fire hazard. Tomorrow my goal is to actually make it to the little maple tree which is practically invisible in the picture but I swear it’s still there!

The driveway is probably like two feet bigger than what I think it is. My cousins did zero outside work so the weeds have had like three years to grow unchallenged and they are about two feet into the driveway. So part of my gardening plan and having daffodils line the drive way probably won’t happen anytime soon. To get the line started I have to dig up fully mature sagebrush and pull up weeds embedded in gravel- part of the reason why so little progress was made today. Oh joy. I’ve dug up juveniles and it is such hassle because their roots go deep out here and to deal with mature sagebrush is a nightmare.

I like sagebrush, I really do. It’s a great bush that naturally grows here, it’s heat, cold, animal, and drought resistant, it harbors birds and rabbits, and it gets tall so it’s a great natural hedge and I’m really reluctant to dig any up. It’s worth it for the daffodils though. Not sure if I’ll remember that when I’m waist deep in sand trying to get the root dug up so it doesn’t regrow but right now I’m just picturing happy little daffodils next Spring.

While taking the picture to show off my weed digging skills, I felt this weird little tap on my back. I thought okay it’s probably my bra and I just shifted weird so whatever. Then I felt it again but a little higher. So I reach under my shirt to feel my bra thinking I must’ve twisted the strap and the tapping I feel is my bra shifting.
Didn’t feel anything.
Bra strap not twisted.
I’m a little worried.
Little tap again.
Okay now I know for sure something is in my shirt so I reach back again and this time my finger close around something small and hard.
I scream.
My phone drops to the ground.
A spider falls out of my shirt and crawls into the weeds.
Fml, I hate spiders. No idea how it managed to crawl unnoticed up the length of my body and get on my bra but it did and I fucking hate it. I haven’t been able to get comfortable at all after that. I’m so paranoid about a spider crawling me it’s ridiculous. I hate them. I hate kill them. I verbally abuse them before, during, and after I kill them. Naturally I live in a prefab house that isn’t entirely sealed so during the winter time I find a spider at least once a week crawling around like a little asshole.

I once a had a dream that spiders were all over my house and they kept chanting “This is our house now.” Then in my dream I fucking started hacking at them a sword screaming “THis is MY house!” And there was probably a lot of cussing too but I don’t remember. I had this dream after finding like three spiders( one being a male black widow) in my house in one day. I was not pleased.

I just got up to refill my water bottle and guess the fuck what I saw hanging out behind my sink. A spider. I fucking hate spiders. 🤜🏼🕷️😠

Food wise it has not been the best today. I ate more fruit but I’m so low in my overall calorie count I’m surprised I haven’t passed out. Tomorrow I wanna be brave and try to make a proper meal but we’ll see.

🌸Calories Ate: 350.2
🌸Calories Burned: 326.8
🌸Net Calories: 23.4
🌸Macro Nutrients: 53%- again mostly thanks to vitamins.

Today’s food was cream of wheat with almond slivers, pomegranate, apple slices, and a banana, topped with some raspberry flavored sugar. Like yay more fruit…. and not much else.





*:.。. .。.:*・゜゚🎃🍂🎃・゜゚*:.。. .。.:*