My doctor is an idiot

*:.。. .。.:*・゜゚⛄☕⛄・゜゚*:.。. .。.:*

Current mood: giphy.gif

Officially I’m at undiagnosed autoimmune disorder. My thyroid tests came back normal which means it was being effected by a lack estrogen. Kind of figured but I’m happy to have that cleared up. My period came back and now it’s going away. I’ve been tracking it with my planner and I’m only into the third month and now it’s pretty much going away. The spot bleeding is down, which is great, but so is the actual period part. This month I haven’t had what you can a regular period. It was one day of normal bleeding and the rest have been spot bleeding. I told my doctor this.

He asked if I have hot flashes.


Third time of telling him and him writing it down, I haven’t had hot flashes since I was 14.

I told him my hair is still falling out, despite following the dentists instructions to a ‘t’ I’m still in the beginning stages of gum disease, my rash is spreading and it’s not eczema, my off and on chest pains are more consistent, I have trouble breathing while laying down, and I keep getting sharp stabs of pain in my feet and occasionally in my wrist. I’m having consistent side pain, mainly on the right side. On top of all of this I’m have debilitating fatigue.

I’ve always had issues with being really tired all the time but now it’s at the point where there are days I can’t even get out of bed to brush my teeth or even get a cup of water. If it wasn’t for the cats needing to be fed there are days where I probably wouldn’t get up until I needed to use the restroom because I’m just so damn tired. There used to be this joke with my family that I must be a big time night owl because I’m always so sleepy. It’s wasn’t funny then and it’s certainly not funny now. ˓˓(ᑊᘩᑊ⁎)

This is happening nearly everyday now to the point where I do, say the dishes, and then afterwards I lay down for a couple hours. I take a shower, lay down for a couple hours or the rest of the night. I get on my laptop for a couple hours, well that was tiring, time to lay down for the rest of the day.

I told my doctor this.

He asked what my diet was like and I told him I’m a vegan so I got tested vitamin deficiencies. Because being vegan the past two years can totally effect an issue that’s been going on since I was 13. giphy (1)

I’m only low in vitamin d. My b12 is fine. Iron is fine. It’s just a lack of vitamin d. Because it’s fucking freezing and I’m not going outside to frolic in the sun. It’s not even deficient, just low. At least I know the eating disorder isn’t causing issues.

The issue as to way my ovaries are not responding to my brain still has yet to be addressed or even diagnosed. I don’t even know if I have any egg follicles left because that hasn’t even been tested for because part of my issue could be there is nothing in my ovaries and that’s what they aren’t doing anything.

I’m not sure why I was even sent to him since his specialty is thyroid issues.  He is an endocrinologist so I guess it was good to see him to have it established there is an ovary issue but now this is clearly not just an ovary issue nor is it remotely a thyroid issue. It’s an autoimmune disorder. He doesn’t work with autoimmune disorders so I’m not sure why I have yet to be recommended to someone else.

The worst part about this is that it might be lupus. Little Sister is an esthetician  and she has two clients and a co-worker with lupus. According to her, we complain about the same things. Grandma on Mom’s side has a friend who’s grand daughter was diagnosed with lupus and guess what? She was going through what I was going through. I’m a little worried, needless to say.  (。•́︿•̀。)

giphy (3)

My exact face to all of this.

I don’t get the butterfly face rash but guess what my face has been doing lately? Turning red around my cheeks and getting itchy. I had this weird rough itchy patch on my cheek and it healed up fairly quickly so I don’t know what to make of it. Little sister said to change my moisturizer but the thing is, I’m using a new moisturizer. I change brands every time I buy a new one so my skin doesn’t become accustomed to the same moisturizer because that will cause issues like face itchiness. I do the same with the nighttime moisturizer too. And the toner.


I found 4 2×2 canvases and got them all painted up and took some pictures of them so I could add them to my Etsy shop. Well you see I completely forgot I had finished and took pictures of one. Like I didn’t remember it all. When I was taking pictures off my phone I was legit shocked to pictures of it because I swore up and down I still hadn’t even finished painting it and I look over to where I had the paintings sitting, and there it was. All done.

I legit forgot something. Like completely. I don’t even remember spraying it with fixative and setting up it with the other completed paintings. Σ(‘◉⌓◉’)

Anyone have any idea what’s wrong with me? The doctor has yet to call me back for another appointment so if I don’t hear anything by Friday, I’m going to call them. It feels like since I got the birth control everything is getting worse. I’m just ran out of refills on it and can’t really afford to get some more and quite frankly I don’t think that’s fixing anything. If anything it may have made the issue worse.

In other news, I left the job. You know how I was talking about the rumor spreading that my manager went on a 10 minute rant about in the training? Yea. You know I mentioned that the two year old Glassdoor reviews were pretty true two years later? Yea. Just yea. That place is the epitome of toxic work environment and after I left they had three other job openings crop up. Gee I wonder why? (눈_눈)

So I’m on the hunt again. I’ve actually quite a few interviews which is nice but everyone brings up the hour and half commute from here to there. When I lived in Minnesota I had a two hour commute home due to both distance and traffic and that never effected my ability to come into work on time or cover a shift. Apparently here an hour and half is too scary to hire me but they’ll still call me in for an interview.Σ(-᷅_-᷄๑)

giphy (4).gif

What employers must think my commute is

Like if I’m showing up for an interview clearly the commute is not an issue. I know it’s the commute part too because most of the interview is me explaining I can show up on time and I’m fully capable of driving home in the dark.



So I’ve switched gears a little and I’m looking now in the town where Mom and Grandparents live. I’m using their address because they live in town and honestly if I get a job where they live I’ll probably just move. I want to go back to school and there is a community college there I attended previously. I’m like five classes ( two of which are math classes (╬⓪益⓪) ) away from my degree. So I want to go back, hopefully either this summer or fall.  For now though, it’s job hunting time and trying to hold Mom back from making a four hour drive to kill my doctor. She’s going with me to my next appointment. I’m scared for my doctor.  (๑•﹏•)

*:.。. .。.:*・゜゚⛄☕⛄・゜゚*:.。. .。.:*

Not actually Native American

*:.。. .。.:*・゜゚⛄☕⛄・゜゚*:.。. .。.:*

The dna results from Ancestry came back and boy howdy, this was a trip for me and  I have so many flipping questions.

Okay let’s start off with Elizabeth. Great Great Great Grandmother Elizabeth Barker Pluard SmithShe is part African. The test went back to the 1700s for me and Grandma Farm’s test hasn’t started processing so I’m not sure what it’ll say for her. For me, >1% Benin/Togo came back. Elizabeth was mixed. Not by a whole lot but she was mixed and it does explain why Mary looks African. So yea, that question has been answered. She was cared for by people called the Barkers but I changed the name to La Fleur because on one of her records that was the last name given and voila! More records for the Barker’s appeared. They were of European descent. So essentially, these white (gah I hate using color terms to describe people) people were caring for a girl of mixed ethnicity and an unknown little sister who died during the Native American attack. She was mixed, had a little sister, and the Barker’s were her adopted family. The Barker’s were related to the La Fleur’s through the adopted mother.

Now the interesting part of the dna test. I am 2% Native American. 

And by that I mean New Mexico and down. So really it’s Hispanic. I’m 2% Hispanic. Elizabeth was a mix of white, black, and Hispanic, because there was the whole brief family rumor she was Native descent. Yea, either Texas or New Mexico descent, which was essentially Mexico at the time. So yea. The whole story of her family is completely lost. I have the starting point of Benin and Togo and the ending point with Elizabeth and everything in between is gone. 

My theory is the slave ancestors escaped somehow, went to Texas or New Mexico,  had some mixed babies, traveled up to Illinois, had some more mixed babies which produced Elizabeth and her little sister, died, and left Elizabeth with the Barkers. This would explain why Elizabeth briefly mentioned she may have been Native American because the rumor did come from her. 

It’s just a theory because again, everything is bloody lost. The Barker’s themselves barely have any records. I think because Elizabeth was mixed with Benin, Hispanic, and Euro-descent, that maybe she and the Barker’s were distantly related. I mean they did take in her daughters for a long period time (Mary was with them until she was 19 and married) that maybe they were her Euro-descent relatives? I don’t know because again there’s no records. There is nothing for me to go off of, I don’t even know the names of her parents or of the little sister that died.

So I’m going to start researching the slave trade around Benin and Togo and see if I can get some sort of insight into what my ancestors went through and estimate when they may have arrived in America. It won’t do much for the family history but it’ll be something. 

So here’s a very interesting thing. Elizabeth, a mixed race woman brings up less than 1% Benin and contributes(potentially) to the 2% Native American, which is essentially Native Mexican given the area named, which I’ll go over in more detail by the way. 

If I can get less than 1% Benin from her, where is Grandpa Rapist? 

I’m estimating the Barker’s traveled on the Oregon Trail given that they died in Idaho. The Cayuse tribe had territory the Trail cut straight through and they were attacking settlers. With all this, I’m assuming the Cayuse were responsible for the attack that killed the Barkers and kidnapped Elizabeth. Why then does Grandpa Rapist ( the warrior that married Elizabeth) not show up when >1% Benin & Togo from Elizabeth does? 

I know as a whole, Native Americans don’t have many genetic markers. I’m not sure why this is but I do know testing for Native American can be a challenge. Enough from the Native Northern Mexicans showed up to be identified at Native American but no Cayuse? No Pacific Native American? No Oregon or Idaho tribe dna?

I know it can show up because it does with some of my actual Native American cousins and it was one way they were able to kick people of the tribe because around the late ’80s-’90s they had an issue with people from other tribes entering into theirs to get money. They were using blood tests as a way to figure out who was from there. This also illustrates there was some record fudging because Grandma, Fubi, and some cousins, despite being Hispanic, are still considered Native American.

The Cayuse actively took slaves. Their Nez Perce neighbors were wary of them given the warlike and slave dealing ways. The Cayuse also did trading in parts of Northern California and potentially even further down.

My theory goes that Grandpa Rapist is not Cayuse but also from Mexico. When the Conquistadors were doing their thing, native tribes fled from them. I’m wondering if whatever tribe Grandpa Rapist hailed from fled North to the States( which wasn’t the States at the time) and somehow traveled up far enough to encounter the Cayuse and through some means integrated into the tribe. It would explain no North American tribes show up yet somehow we ended up with 2% Hispanic, which is incorrectly identified at Native American. 

Before I continue, I’m going to go over the Hispanic dna. It shows up as 2% Native American but I believe that to be incorrect because that’s using modern borders to name the dna when it’s actually North Mexican and down. 

So the areas where dna comes from is:

  • the whole of New Mexico
  • West & Central Mexico
  • Chihuahua & Durango
  • Northwest Mexico & Southern coast of California
  • Northeast Mexico & Southern Texas
  • Nuevo Leon & Tamaulipas
  • Nicaragua & Costa Rica
  • Ecuador
  • Chile
  • Peru
  • Central America

Not a single speck of North America Native American. I don’t really consider the New Mexican tribes to be Native American, because that’s separating ethnicities by using modern borders. 

Now onto the other part of the 2%. 

Meet Melinda, my 4th Great Grandmother. 

Melinda Luce

According to her records, she was born in Placerville, California. I don’t think that’s right. I think was she was one of the many children that was stolen from their tribes and placed into those shitty bordering schools. Melinda is not her real name. Her parents are unknown. Her birthday is probably made up too. I think she’s where the South Californian comes from. Clearly she is not of European descent. I don’t know what the government did to the children of the North Mexican tribes but on top of looking into the Benin and Togo slave trade, I’m going to see what potentially happened to Melinda and those ancestors. This raises dna test raises so questions for me. Like does the 2% really come from potentially 3 people? I had some Euro-descent relatives in California and Texas, was one of their children actually mixed and it was never recorded? What tribes can I claim as my ancestors? On paperwork should I start marking myself as part Hispanic? 

Like I already put down mixed race because quite frankly people of European descent should not be lumped as ‘white’. That’s incorrect and history proves it. Just because a group of people have pale skin does not make them same, same as having brown does make all those groups ‘brown’ or ‘black’. Having a percentage of anything is a big deal. It shows up in my dna. They’re there. They exist. I have proof of them and I have picture of one and potentially a picture of another. It feels almost disrespectful to simply disregard them because it’s only 2%. Like what do I say? It’s 2% so it’s not there, so I can’t claim them? 

This also raises up some mixed feelings for who I used to regard myself as. All my life I’ve been told I’m Native American. That’s not true anymore. I have no Native American ancestry, they’re Hispanic. Once again I have no tribe to claim and the gap between my actual Native American cousins has widened. Grandma Farm is going to be so upset that she isn’t actually Native American and I have no idea what she’s going to do with this information. This also shows that testing for the Oregon tribes at least is flawed since a wide chunk of my family has no Native American in them. Yea, some people did marry into Oregon tribes and they truly are Native American. I happened to descended from those aren’t as do a wide range of cousins.  

As an idea what my family looks like, here are more pictures. 

Madora Jeffers

Madora, daughter of Elizabeth and my 3rd great grandmother

Ira Leo Jeffers with Wife

On the left is Ira, grandson of Elizabeth & son of Madora, my 2nd Great Grandpa. On the right is Bertha, granddaughter of Melinda & my 2nd great grandmother.















I think is why it was so easy for my family to get into the tribe despite not actually having any Native American dna. We really look the part. We look like our Native cousins despite being Hispanic and I think because the Native part of the family is so embedded into the Tribe it’s easy to overlook some inconsistencies for the sake of family.  Now onto one last mystery. Fubi’s father.




Fubi’s father is pretty unknown by everyone except Grandma Farm. What happened is she and her boyfriend got officially engaged. He was a year older and graduated high school first, got drafted in Vietnam, sent over, and she lived with his parents. She was pregnant with Fubi in her senior year. They were supposed to get married when he got back.

Then he decided to marry a Vietnamese women. He asked for the engagement rings to be sent to him and they kicked out Grandma Farm and Fubi. Please keep in mind I don’t hold any resentment for the Vietnamese woman. She tried up until his death to reconcile Fubi and his father but neither one of them made any effort. According to Mom, she would send letters and call all the time trying to get Fubi to see his father or at least talk to him, and when he died she called to let him know.

I don’t blame her for what happened and honestly I think she was kept in the dark about Grandma Farm and Fubi until she arrived in the States, which was not all fair to her and I believe she felt guilty(something she shouldn’t have felt guilty about in the first place since it wasn’t her fault) about the whole situation which was why she made such an effort to contact Fubi. He just got his father’s stubbornness and now it’s too late for any sort of reconciliation.

His name was Daniel Shear or Shearer and he was born in 1944 and it’s estimated he died about 1991-92, probably in Oregon. I don’t know what his ethnicity is. I don’t know if he contributes to the 2% or not. Fubi won’t take a dna test and Grandma Farm won’t talk about it, and it was such a damn fight trying to just get his name out of her. Most of the story comes from Mom telling me about it because no one else will.

So far on Ancestry, nothing has come up for him. I’m not sure where else to look or what information I could possibly add to try to bring up some records. Mom isn’t even sure if Daniel is his name or not but it’s what she remembers and Grandma Farm didn’t say otherwise.

I know Grandma Farm is not happy that I know about Fubi’s father. I don’t think Grandpa Farm is too bothered but I know the situation makes him uncomfortable. They kept this from me and Little Sister for so long I think they were hoping to just erase the whole thing. Mom didn’t let that happen and I’m really grateful she said something.

So anyways, that’s a family history update. I have a bit more but it deserves it’s own post. If anyone knows of any resources that could help me find anything please let me know.

*:.。. .。.:*・゜゚⛄☕⛄・゜゚*:.。. .。.:*