Can’t think of a title today

*:.。. .。.:*・゜゚🍂☕🍂・゜゚*:.。. .。.:*

For the past couple of days I haven’t been counting calories. I’m still under 1,000 calories per day but I am eating a little more than usual. I’m estimating between 960-970. It low key has me massively stressed about my macro nutrients but I can guesstimate which ones I need to take since I barely deviate my usual diet.

My anxiety has been a bit high today and I frantically started vacuuming and just wandering around the house for no reason. It’s like I can’t focus on anything for too long before I must jump to the next activity. If this keeps up I’m probably going to cave and go back to counting calories.

Normally if I’m anxious, a little bit of cleaning goes a long way for helping me calm down. I think I could probably deep clean the whole house and still feel off today.

In other news, I’m on a waiting list for the Christmas bazaar happening here. I called a little late so I’m not getting my hopes up. This is one of the major bazaars here so I probably shot myself in the foot waiting as long as I did. The lady in charge is going to call me either Tuesday or Wednesday so I’ll know for sure if I got in. Fingers crossed!

My Etsy shop is finally updated. FIN.NAL.LY. I have 90% of my dream catchers and necklaces listed. The rest I’m gradually going to put in, just to keep up some sort of level of activity. At the same time I’ve been updating my facebook and DeviantArt page. I started listing downloadable prints on Etsy and for physical prints, everything is linked back to it’s own posting on DA. Updating across my sites like this normally takes a whole day so I’ve been on butt all day and boy do I feel it.

It does not help my chair is like five years old and has no cushioning to speak of. At least it has little wheels so I can scoot around and scare the cats.

Speaking of cats, Sanu is still with me. I had one person ask about him but they had a dog. Sanu is terrified of dogs. It makes sense given he was feral and there are feral dogs, stray dogs, and coyotes out here. So that person was a no-go. I’m not confident in Sanu’s ability to be friendly and get over his fear of dogs. Martin is still with me too and he’s been gaining more and more confidence over the past week. I haven’t caught him eating plastic so that’s a big improvement. His coat when he was first brought out of the house was white and light grey. It’s now white and near black. He was that sick his coat had changed colors. His gums are still a little pale but he doesn’t have symptoms of being sick and I’ve been monitoring his mouth (he’s a gentle cat but no one likes having their  mouth forcibly opened) just in case though. He had such a shit diet( of plastic and God only knows what else) I think that’s why they’re discolored. It’s a miracle there isn’t anything wrong with him besides some mental trauma.

Anyways, I’ve been keeping up with belly dancing and I’m getting more confident with my ability to someday do a video of myself practicing. I only know three moves right now though so it’d probably be a bit boring though.

Lately I’ve been driving myself mad looking at my body. I’ve been pinching myself a bit more, where I feel like I have a lot of fat. It’s a little distracting belly dancing because I have to stare at myself in the mirror to make sure my form is right. I can still wrap my hands around the lower part of my thigh and recently measured myself and I have 28 inch waist. That has done nothing to help me see myself as not fat. It’s like I’m hallucinating being at a normal weight even though I can physically do things ( like wrap my hands around my thigh) that I couldn’t at 145. It’s so weird and I can’t get over that.

I keep trying to tell myself I look fine but then I look at my stomach or feel my neck or whatever and all I can think about is how fat I am and how I still have such a long way to go. At one point a couple days ago I actually started thinking maybe my scale was broke and because it’s digital I’m not sure how to fix to make it read 145 again. I got over that but the fact I was even thinking  that way is mind boggling. Hence why I started not counting my calories.

Anyways, please check out my Etsy shop. It’s finally been updated and I have links to my DeviantArt on there too where most of my pictures are available as prints.

📷🖌📷

*:.。. .。.:*・゜゚Happy Fall・゜゚*:.。. .。.:*Pumpkingirl for blog.png

*:.。. .。.:*・゜゚🍂☕🍂・゜゚*:.。. .。.:*

 

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