That One Thing

*:.。. .。.:*・゜゚🍂☕🍂・゜゚*:.。. .。.:*

You ever have that one thing you do or think and suddenly everything starts falling back into place and you’re becoming okay again? For me that thing is day dreaming (& saving up for) living a Vardo-inspired tiny house and belly dancing.

I started belly dancing last year and it was so much fun, I wanted to continue the classes but then it snowed and I only have a little four wheel drive-less Corrolla so that was a massive no-go. Then I fell out of practice over the summer due to work and just now am getting back into it. I’m so badly out of practice it hurts. I thought of doing a gif or two for the blog but I look so awkward. Like looking at the videos, my weight isn’t really the issue, my awkward hand motions and how stiff I look is. Which is good in a sense because now I’m starting to focus on other things that aren’t weight related and anything that can pull me out this is good. Except it is really bothersome how out of practice I look😖

Last night when I was practicing I felt really sluggish and tired so since I didn’t eat a whole lot that day I made myself dinner and ate the cookies of the devil👿, a.k.a oreos. It’s the same with jogging too. Like I want to be able to do the thing and I know it really comes down to eating more so I want to eat more for the thing but omigawd, the calories kill me.

I’m not anywhere near fixed because despite right now I am hungry it’s a bit of struggle to make the damn food. I still have numbers wrapped up in the my head and if I wasn’t wanting to practice belly dance or jog then I wouldn’t be eating so much.

Like today I couldn’t even the finish the sandwich. It was just so big(to me) and all the calories I knew I was eating was starting to make me sick. So I know this isn’t a quick fix. All of this got started due to me not knowing how to control my anxiety and being massively stressed out all year.

I feel like this is a sort of break through for me though. I’m feeling better enough to not restrict as heavily or exercise at least half of it off. That’s progress, right?

Today I went to see the dentist to check up on my teeth. They’re looking much better than the last time, so my worst nightmare is not coming true, thank God. They were notified about my hormone disorder too so that’s on my record. Looking back at my food records on Cron-o-Meter, fluoride never shows up and I’ve looked up foods that naturally have it, inputted them, and nothing. So I think this is some sort vitamin deficiency on my end, made worse by disorder. All my oral care stuff has fluoride now. Not I like I’m against fluoride, I just never paid much attention to the tooth paste I was grabbing beyond the brand and flavor. That bite me in the butt, to say the least. So yea, not really sure how to get more fluoride in my diet because it’s not really packaged as a supplement or anything. At least I’ve been taking supplements for calcium and magnesium.

I’m still kinda bad at taking them consistently 😐. I’m sure that didn’t really help either. Like yea I have health issues and I’m at an increased risk for things so let’s forget to take the things that could help me not get the bad things, fml. I’m going to stat setting vitamin alarms on my phone so I’ll remember to take them. In theory.

Anyways, the worst tooth nightmare is a bottom wisdom coming in sideways like an asshole. Yea, I have to see a fucking oral surgeon for that one😂 😤 Wisdom teeth are dicks and I hate them.

So now I’m off to say “Fuck you!” to tomorrow and I’m going to rearrange my house. Sort of. And basically not sleep. I’m feeling inspired and happy and I’m going to eat some Daiya mac ‘n’ cheese even though it’s nearly 1000 calories and not count it because right now I can say fuck calories and I want to roll with it while I still can. I’m not happy with what I see in the mirror and I’m still embarrassed by my body but I really want to belly dance and switch up my house so whatever, right?

~~~without the mac’n’cheese &  house cleaning burnt calories added~~~
🍂Calories Ate: 770.3
🍂Calories Burned: 315.5
🍂Net Calories: 459.9
🍂Macro Nutrients: 21%

Brunch today was a vegan sandwich I got from Natural Grocers. I didn’t finish it. It didn’t taste good to me and I’m fairly certain that is because of whatever the fuck is wrong with me. Like the first couple bites were good then I made the mistake of logging it and my appetite flew out the window.

Dinner today was Annie’s Vegan mac’n’cheese with pasta shells. I added in some mixed veggies and pepper to it. I ate the whole thing 😌 Also Daiya > Annie’s. I like their mac’n’cheese better. Fight me if you disagree.

Not pictured is the bamboo shoots I snacked on. I soaked in rice vinegar and Sriracha sauce. My mouth was on fire but they were so good. I love Sriracha but dear Lord, I need some milk after I’m doing eating anything with it.







*:.。. .。.:*・゜゚Happy Fall・゜゚*:.。. .。.:*Pumpkingirl for blog.png

*:.。. .。.:*・゜゚🍂☕🍂・゜゚*:.。. .。.:*

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