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Not my proudest moment. Yesterday I said I wanted to eat more fruit and because it’s now forever etched into the internet I must follow through. So I went to the store, which despite being a small town market actually has some amazing produce, and got some fruit. I got a small bunch of bananas, a pomegranate, a bag of mandarin oranges, 3 lemons, an apple, and I know it’s not a fruit but I also grabbed a cucumber.
~♥Hello lemon cucumber water♥~
And yes I cut my lemons into squares. When life gives you lemons cut them into little squares.
Then I almost starting crying on my way home thinking:
“Oh God, I bought all this food now I have to eat it.”
Because my brain told me that I must eat it all now today right damn now or it’ll rot and be a waste of money. Logically I know I don’t have to eat it all today and I don’t have the stamina to peel an entire bag of Mandarin oranges but in the moment I did not know that and grew frightened of the tiny little oranges and their evil ways. It did not help at all while in the store I started to go into melt down mode.
🌸 First, I was worried the food is going to go bad since I barely eat anything & I don’t want to waste money.
🌸 Secondly, I got freaked out by all the sugar in fruit(it really is a lot), which is why I don’t eat it too often. I have nightmares of being chased by monsters or murdered & a tooth will fall out & then the whole dream becomes about my teeth falling out & I’m crying horribly & the monster is all awkward & yea. I’m weird about my teeth.
🌸 Thirdly, I decided to be brave and treat myself to a small pre baked brownie or something. Except everything I wanted had milk & eggs & being a vegan those weren’t an option. What was an option was the near 500 calories mini pies I hate eating. So I was feeling a bit down about & that just made me even more anxious about buying food.
Thankfully I did not cry over uneaten fruit but it was a big WTF moment for me. On a very positive note, I bought a bag of potato chips and ATE them. Okay so not the whole bag but I ate at least two and half servings. The issue is I know I ate two and half servings because I counted the out the chips like an absolute nutcase. Also I bought some diet soda. I don’t drink soda because again the whole teeth thing but I figured this isn’t too bad and I deserve something nice. Like guilt free soda. By the way, anyone know what Pepsi Crystal tastes like? I saw some in the store but it’s 250 calories and I can’t justify buying it. But if it tastes good I’ll try to be brave. Honestly it can’t taste that weird, can it? I’m not really into soda unless it’s the lavender or cucumber ones, which are kinda hard to find unfortunately. What I’m saying is if something has cucumber I will probably try it at least once because I love cucumber so much.
I really only bought the chips and soda because I’m working on some ancestry stuff & holy f*cking shit if I find one more relative named Sarah, John, or Christina I’m going to dig up my ancestors grave & punch them right in their skeleton faces😡👊🏼💀. Ugh, this has me so stressed so I thought okay for dealing with my ancestors being stupid( I should do a post about everything that annoys with my ancestors) with names and not being able to find a treat earlier I should buy some potato wedges! But the place that makes them uses milk in their formula soooo I bought potato chips. Kinda the same thing, right? Not really but for me close enough. I’m going to try to finish the bag and not toss it. I don’t like wasting money but I hate having any sort of snack around so I’ll buy something, eat like half and throw away the rest because I just can’t handle it. It’s not a good habit.
Meal wise I’ve only had some rice and frozen veggies but I did have two snacks- the chips and 3 Mandarin oranges. My goal is to eat at least one Mandarin orange a day until the bag is gone.
🌸Calories Ate: 545.3(Yea I didn’t eat all the rice otherwise my count would be higher)
🌸Calories Burned: 181.9
🌸Net: 363.4 (fml)
🌸 Macro Nutrients: 54% (thanks to the vitamins and oddly enough, the chips)
My very first attempt at food photography. Usually I take photos of cats and flowers but maybe taking pictures of my meals will encourage me to eat more? I mean I posted about wanting to eat more fruit and then I actually ate some fruit today. I still did a shit job with actually eating and nearly all of my calories came from the chips but an effort was made and that still counts, right? Haha, not with that low of a net calorie count 😓 I don’t know why I feel physically incapable of finishing the rice. Like it is exactly one serving of rice and veggies yet it just… I don’t know. It just looks bad. Like it looks good and it tastes good but I feel bad about eating it. I didn’t throw it away. It’s in my fridge and it will be my breakfast. It’s now forever recorded on the internet so I have to follow through.
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